Having a child rocks your relationship, whether through birth or adoption. For the purpose of today, I’m going to discuss the four domains of care when you give birth to a child.

According to the Gottman Institute, there is a precipitous drop in relationship satisfaction after a couple welcomes a child. This has no bearing on whether the child is wanted or loved. It’s just an enormous jolt to the relationship with all of a sudden huge responsibility and challenge.

Thinking ahead is always excellent, so whether you’ve had that child or are getting ready to, it’s never too early to start thinking about the four domains of relationship care.

1) Baby Care: that tiny sweet bundle, how will it receive care? Infants die without us. Breast or bottle, diaper changes, turns holding. Laundry. Burping.
2) Home Care: Chores are still chores. Cooking. Trash. Laundry. Lawn care. Bathroom.
3) Self Care: Put on your oxygen mask as much as that baby’s. You can’t care for another without caring for yourself. What makes you you? Block off time to do some of that.
4) Relationship Care: Neglecting your relationship is not a good strategy. Maybe you can do a date while the baby sleeps on Friday night by cooking and playing a board game or asking Gottman connection questions. Then do that. Something that makes “us” feel like us.

Questions, comments, thoughts, more than welcome!